Can’t Wear Fake Eyelashes? No Problem!

To say that the 1960s was “a pretty interesting era in modern history” is to do it a disservice. I mean, consider what was going on politically and socially in the United States alone: Beatlemania, the Cold War, the moon landing! Come on. The scientific minds of that era managed to put men on the Moon with a computer that weighed 30 kg, had a processor speed of 1 MHz, and memory of about 4 kB — just enough for about 2,000 words. Compare that to the iPhone 5S in my back pocket, weighing in at 112 grams, with a processor speed of 1.3 GHz, and a 64 GB memory capacity — enough for 14,000 songs.

The phone in my back pocket is far more powerful than the computer that put men on the moon and here I am, using it to play Bejeweled watch Russian dash cam videos. Sigh.

But I digress. The 1960s begat a lot of of my favorite things, like:

  • My favorite aircraft, the SR-71
  • My favorite girl group, The Ronettes
  • My favorite black comedy, Stanley Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove

The popular look of the era wasn’t too bad too: I’m a big fan of the heavy wingtip eyeliner and fake eyelash, which is probably the only reason why I still watch Mad Men. Okay, so Christina Hendricks’ Joan Harris (née Holloway) is probably the only reason why I still watch Mad Men. And I believe that in a manner that mirrors Samson, her salty broad-sassiness comes from her fake lashes.

This is actually a photograph of my internal monologue (Image source).

This is actually a photograph of my internal monologue (Image source).

But while I love the look of 1960s-style fake eyelashes as much as the next person, I’m basically useless when it comes to actually applying them. I always make some goopy, sticky, horrific, lopsided mess that looks as if a kindergartener had tried stapling a dead spider onto my eyelids.

That’s when I thought I may have found a miracle while surfing through the heaven (or financial black hole, depending on your outlook on life) that is Asos, in the form of the Bourjois Faux and Fabulous Lash Applicator. Despite resembling a Medieval Era torture device in silhouette, it actually looks like a promising solution to people who want to wear fake eyelashes without commissioning the help of a professional makeup artist every time they want to wear it.

bourjois lash applicator

The website description says that it includes “…a 2-in-1 tweezer and applicator tool with an angled tip for precision application”; it’s a steal at USD 9.50 (~IDR 120,000), because there you cannot put a price tag on the indignity that comes with a beauty editor who cannot apply fake lashes. You just can’t.

Once I get this in my mail, I’ll let you know whether or not it has helped me get one step closer to becoming a salty broad, just like Joan Holloway. Siiiiigh.